The feeling neverending - Trying to find new loves.

It's amazing how life tricks you into feeling what is not true. All those flings that you thought was love, the more you experience them and get in too deep, you'd be able to tell love from fling less and less. 

About two years ago, I flirt with a significant one, who i called coffee. Hot coffee. But then it got cold. She left for a younger one, before we were even anything. But that was then. I had a long walk with her one night after a movie. We'd swear we kind of hit it well. And things ended you know where. After that, she disappeared. Or for another case, I disappeared. We disappeared to each other. And then, there she was again. I just can't figure it out.

I had a girlfriend for like two or three months up to the end of the year. It was kind of hard to get on to her. I had to 'use' my condition of being sick to get her first sympathy. One thing lead to another, we were lovers. I really thought we could be the next best thing after Anang-KD divorce. But, after wards, she realized she still had feeling for her ex. And so we broke up, and the next thing I knew is that this ex thingy might simply be an excuse. The thing is: I am not good enough.

I spotted a pianist who can cook. She was not supermodel hot. But yes, she had this charm that when she smiled she froze the world. When she played the piano, the world melt with me. We flirted and flirted and flirted. I do not know where things will go. But all I know is, despite the distant we're facing, I took it for granted that she could be a perfect match for my artistically suffering soul with constant hunger for attention. 

This girl I know is about 4 years younger than me. I knew her since 2004, where she was simply that innocence girl to smile a lot. I liked her, even when my girlfriend was clinging to my side. She didn't realized that. So from a girl who knew a guy who knew a girl who knew another girl that knew her, I traced her. Facebook, really rocked. So, short story, we flirted. Well I kind of doing all the jobs in the flirting. She got a chance to visit Jakarta. So we met. And I felt the tingly spider sense when I am around her. I kept thinking that this might be love.

Damn! Now that I am start losing my ability to determine love from not, it doesn't grow easier to neglect the feeling. It's like having a gift in baking sweets and cookies, but having diabetes at the same time. You can't eat what you cook. Moral of the story: if you see a beautiful girl and you immediately feel the warmth, it's not love. It's life tricking you into its game.

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